a few of my favorite snippets (sadly, my replies are only voiced in my head):
"why can't I keep X and Y together?"
I just told you why. I could try telling you again, but no matter how I word it, and no matter how polite I am, you'll either leave with the fish anyway or leave calling me names.
"got any shrimp brine?*
yes, we have lots of salt, but I'm pretty sure you're looking for brine shrimp. Try reading the package, moron. (this one seems innocent enough until you hear it at least 6 or 7 times in a single afternoon. Am I the only person who actually sees what they read?)
"nah, we want the brown allergy eater. The other guys are boring/cost too much"
I see you're related to the shrimp brine people. Great. The boring/expensive ones won't outgrow your tank.
This is followed up with one of the following:
"We're getting a bigger tank later on"
Liar. I have a pretty good idea that you aren't a bigger anything. You don't specify a size or when no matter how many questions I ask.
"I can always bring him back, and get a little one, right?"
You assume I can house your 8-20 inch loracid no matter what, that I will have the room in our bigger setups, and that I don't have too many of them already. I wish you would go away and the powers that be would let me stop ordering these fish to begin with.
I only get this one every now and again. The wording changes a bit or involves different fish/setups, but it's always the same:
"Can you keep goldfish in bowls - with no filter? Wait, don't answer that. I did it for 7 years."
Glad you tortured that fish for so long and it somehow lived. This does not make you a better fish keeper than me. It makes you ignorant, stubborn, cruel, and lucky. Nice of you to come here and throw that at me. Maybe next time I'll take the bait and start an argument so you can complain to someone of higher authority and try get some free goldfish to cram into a single, unfiltered bowl, but don't count on it. I'm not biting, and it wouldn't get you anthing if I did.
Some fun exchanges
"What are theses marks for on the glass?"
Me: "These fish are under quarantine. They are not for sale at this time."
"so they're all sick?"
Me: "Some of them are..." (I hate shipping fish in the winter, everything comes in with ich)
"who manages this department?"
"so its your fault then" (they walk away)
Another fish expert I see. Yes, I must have gotten all the fish sick with my lack of experience. Fish never come in that way. The fact that I quarantine fish must also be a sign of how badly I run things.
"Got any crickets?"
Me: "Sorry, we're sold out. The next shipment arrives Wednesday."
"you can't find me a few?"
Me: "I'm sorry, there are none for sale"
"Well, I was just peeking in you containers, you've got all kinds"
Me: "Those are for the reptile department. They have to make a few dozen last until the next shipment arrives"
"You can't get me 30 or 40 of them?"
Me: "I wish I could, but what will our reptiles eat?"
"what will mine eat?"
me: "did you try store X? they may have some."
"That's too far"
Me: "I wish I could help you, but I can't sell what we have left. The reptiles need them"
"this is bull$#!@" (storms off)
Thanks for snooping and trying to swindle me out of food for our animals. I didn't realize how important it was that you folks get all the crickets and our reptiles become malnourished/starved. I suppose then you can enjoy telling everyone how badly we keep them.